Finding the Right Words for a Sympathy Card

How to Offer a Thoughtful Condolence Message

Whether you choose to send a card, make a phone call, or leave a message online, reaching out to someone who has experienced a loss is a meaningful way to show you care. A kind gesture during a time of sorrow, no matter how small, can provide real comfort and remind the grieving person that they are not alone.

Finding the right words can be difficult, but expressing your sympathy doesn’t need to be perfect to be heartfelt. A simple, sincere message like, “I’m here for you,” or “You’re in my thoughts,” can offer more comfort than you might imagine. When words are hard to come by, sharing a memory or including a meaningful quote or verse can add a personal, thoughtful touch.

It’s helpful to tailor your message to the situation. A note for someone who lost a child may be very different from one sent after the passing of a grandparent. Consider the relationship, the tone, and any cultural or spiritual customs the family may observe. For example, a Catholic family may appreciate the gesture of a Mass card, while a Jewish family observing shiva might welcome a simple message of peace and remembrance alongside a traditional gift.

What to Avoid When Writing a Sympathy Message

While your intentions may be good, certain phrases can unintentionally cause hurt. Try to avoid comments like “I know how you feel,” or “It was meant to be.” These can minimize the unique and personal nature of grief.

It’s also best to keep digital communication respectful, avoid using emojis or overly casual language in messages of condolence, particularly across generations or in more traditional families.

Lastly, be mindful not to shift the focus onto yourself. While it’s okay to mention shared memories, avoid making the message about your own losses or emotions. Your goal is to support the person who is grieving and let them know they are seen, cared for, and held in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Let the Family’s Tone Guide You

When writing a condolence message, it’s helpful to reflect the tone the family has set, often seen in the wording of the obituary. If the obituary focuses on celebration and joy, feel free to share uplifting memories, happy moments, or even a favorite photo of the person who has passed. It’s a meaningful way to show how their life touched others. On the other hand, if the tone is more solemn or reflective, keep your message gentle, comforting, and supportive. If the family is religious, including a thoughtful prayer or scripture can also be a heartfelt gesture of care and respect.

Express Sympathy Through Thoughtful Gestures

Sometimes words aren’t enough, small acts of kindness can offer real comfort. Flowers, home-cooked meals, or thoughtful gifts are often appreciated during times of grief. That said, it’s always wise to check with a family member or the funeral director if you’re unsure about what’s appropriate. Some families may have allergies, dietary restrictions, or limited space. A quick check can ensure your gesture is both helpful and well-received.

Don’t Forget to Reach Out After the Service

Grief doesn’t end when the funeral does. In fact, the quiet weeks and months that follow can feel the loneliest. Reaching out after the services have ended through a call, a note, a meal, or even just a short visit, shows that your support was genuine and ongoing. These simple reminders let the family know they are still in your thoughts and not forgotten.

Remembering special dates, like the anniversary of a loved one’s passing, can be especially powerful. A thoughtful message or small gift around that time offers comfort and reminds them their loved one’s memory lives on.

We're Here to Support You

There’s no perfect way to express condolences, but sincerity always matters. Whether you write a short note, leave an online message, or send a gift, what counts is the care behind your gesture. A little effort can go a long way in helping someone feel seen and supported in their grief. If you need assistance feel free to contact us.